The Sanctum Complex
Welcome to the blog for the somewhat dysfunctional family that is The Sanctum Complex. We're a system of howmanymembersagain, and this is our blog.
23/4/2020 0 Comments Oh yeah, about that...There's more than one thing I feel like writing here, but I think I'll save some of them for my private blog. Well, "private". Anyway, this is Taru speaking, and I'm here to talk about the headmates. Again. Here we go. This is pretty much a continuation of my two latest posts, developments and a struggle. So I've been thinking a bit further about the headmates. Not actively, but it's popped into my thoughts then and now. So firstly, Lucifer seems to have made a reappearance (is that a real term?). So I guess we're four now if we aren't counting the kids, which we should. So that makes ten. Back to the marvelous number of ten. It makes me a bit melancholy to think about the past with the system. But I'm also wondering if maybe the past was just a learning experience, and the ones that are here now are the more prominent and developed ones that will stay longer. Not that I'm not still hoping that the others will come back someday. As I'm thinking about it though, I realize that it's completely unfair. I'm basically a complete ass toward Lucifer, and that's not something he should have to deal with. I mean, the door is always left open, of course, but still. I should be more open and friendly toward him. More welcoming. I'm pretty sure it was my borderline neglect that made him take his leave in the first place. But that also makes me wonder.. Why did he come back? And why did he walk in from the very start? The second topic has more to do with potential new headmates than old ones, but it's still kind of the same region. Anyway, so I said I had these thoughts of consideration for Tony Stark, and yes, that's still a thing. But I've also been thinking about other people. Fictional people, but still people. And that people (it's called a person, you idiot) is no one else than whatshisnameagain? That guy. Ohyeah, I got it. The character from Naruto that keeps saying everything is troublesome. Shikamaru something something, I'll have to look up his full name. I'm just saying, but I think he's cool, and we would probably agree on a lot of things. I'm lazy, he's lazy, and we could just laze around on the couch or something. But also, for the longest time now, I've been wondering if we should take in a more feminine character. Because currently in the system, we're pretty much-- No, we're literally all males or ungendered. (Do they even have any genitals??) And the first person I think about is not actually fictional. It's another youtuber, because why would I consider someone else, lmao. And her name is Molly Burke. Blind girl, which is cool btw. She's awesome, and I'm pretty sure I look up to her in some way. But I've also had this weird thought that I'd want to have a headmate that's mute and would need to communicate through either sign language or other gestures. But I think that's more the author me speaking rather than actually wanting that as a headmate. I don't know, it feels a bit unfair and not right. I mean, you shouldn't purposefully create a mute tulpa, should you? It feels kinda cruel. Getting back to Molly, I'm not sure if it would be fair to take her in either, seing that we've gotten started on this whole transitioning journey thing. (More about that on my personal blog). And if she were to have complexity issues or something, she might not like the body. After transitioning, I mean. Does she have any thoughts about her body? That's such a weird thing to ask, but it's a relevant question for this topic. One thing that's certain is that I'm still Taru, even with my subsystem switches and kins and whatever else. Stephen is still here, and my kids are here and I love them all to bits. Lucifer is also here now, and if he decides to stay, I'll have to collect my shit and actually hang out with him and be nice to him. There's a bit more things on that topic, but I'll take that in a different blog. For now, this is just about new and old headmates, and I think I'm finished talking about it, which means this is the end of this blog. *anticlimatic confetti* Yeah, so I'll see you next time (: Chiao!
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3/4/2020 0 Comments It's a struggle to have a wishSo here's the thing. After writing that previous post, this urge kind of thing have only increased. It hasn't gotten better, it's gotten worse. And I don't know if it's a good thing. I've pretty much just mentioned this to Stephen, but he didn't seem completely against it. If anything, he seemed positive to the idea of getting a new headmate. But maybe that's because of who I'm considering. I don't know, with everything that's going on, I think I want to focus on the things that are rather than the things that could be. And probably prioritize the "old" headmates. Get them back instead of getting new ones. Delsin, Lucifer, Alex, Trevor, Amani... Shouldn't I focus on them first? I think this is something I should talk to Ounos about. They have a lot of opinions and they always think them through very thoroughly before speaking them out loud. They've helped me so many times before, and I have so much faith in them. Good lord, if they would ever fade like other people has done.. Nah man. I need my guardian. My philosopher. Okay, so I haven't actually mentioned who it is that I'm thinking about. It's one of those I mentioned in the last blog, and it's not the real life person. I'm thinking about Tony. For some reason, my brain has stuck itself to him. None of the others are as intense. And I wonder why, but I guess it's his distinct personality. Beacuse that's what's important, right? *sigh* I'm asking myself the question if it would help to have any of the others back. Maybe I could spend some time with Hami, see what they think about things. Also to just chill out for a bit. Their energy and endless happiness might help. I kinda realize they also haven't met the kids yet, and they might be mopey at me for that. I did promise that they would meet at some point. And while the pups are only just three months old, they're growing like seaweed. They'll probably pass me at some point, especially Raymond. Anyway.. I'm not sure what else I would put here. I am...considering Tony Stark as a new headmate. I miss the headmates I've had. I'm not in as much of a mood as I have been all through March. Things have calmed down extremely, and it's a giant relief. Now I can finally focus on the good things and stop worrying about the bad. Now I can spend time with my family in peace. I'll write another blog with updates if anything new happens. I might also just come here to get my thoughts out, whatever those may be. I wasn't ready all those months ago, but maybe I am now. But first, talking. To everyone. System meeting, here we go. Peace ✌️
I thought about writing a different post instead of this one, but I think there's something I have to take care of first, which is another update about the members of the system. This post will kind of tie in with the catch up post I made at the start of March. First things first, we've decreased a bit more in number. I'm here (Taru), Stephen is here, our kids of course; and Ounos is here. Hamtaru is supposedly hanging out with Ounos a lot, but I haven't heard anything from them personally in a few weeks now. Amani seems to have taken his leave as well, which I'm actually pretty upset about. I remember he seemed bored lately, but.. I guess he just got enough or something. How do I feel about this? Unsure. My brain has been wanting to take in a new system member, maybe to fill the void, or for some other reason. I've had a few thoughts back and forth, but I haven't made any decisions. It's a big thing to make a completely new tulpa, and with the kids still growing and learning, there's already a bit to do in here. With my interest in astral projection, even more so. I've previously stated that I've missed Alex from time to time. I will admit that I still do, but now I also miss other headmates. I believe that I took them for granted, and because I didn't give them enough attention or opportunities, they got bored out of their minds and left. However, I don't want to think that they're completely gone. I want to think that if I reach out to them and really focus on asking them to come back, I hope that they will. Delsin and Trevor I'm particularly upset about leaving. Amani too. I called the four of us "The Kragueshi Brothers", because that's how I felt about them. They were all my brothers and I really valued their opinions and support. Now that they're not here... It's a bit silent. given, I still have Stephen and the kiddos, but no one person can ever replace someone else. Everyone - tulpa or not - is unique, and they are irreplacable. I feel like I even sometimes miss Lucifer, even if he wasn't exactly the nicest person. He mostly just gave unnecessary critique or blatantly rude comments about the things that was happening in the moment, or about the things I did. Still, I think I kinda learned from it, in a weird kind of way. Okay, what else? I guess I'm mostly just rambling at this point. I haven't exactly had much sleep. I guess I could go over the list of system members I've almost had.
There might be more than the ones mentioned above, but these are the ones I've written down after getting the thoughts. Oh, I guess Aiden Pearce could be on that list as well, but not really. Who knows if he shows up eventually though, since I'm kinda lowkey replaying Watch Dogs. In my own time. I guess that's what I can come up with for now, so I might as well just end this blog here. If I come up with something else to say-- Yeah, you know the deal. I'll come back later and write my heart out again. Peace out and all that ✌️
19/3/2020 0 Comments About ChesxI've been thinking a little. system this and system that, but when it all comes down to nothing.. I don't think Chesx is part of the main system. Everyone else are able to communicate with each other, if they so desire, but C is pretty closed off, it seems. He doesn't seem to be affecting any of the others, or maybe he just isn't "targeting" them. I can feel him, and I'm pretty sure I'd be able to talk to him if I wanted to - not that I do, really. But I'm not sure if the others can. Back in the day - many months ago now - I remember Ounos saying they didn't like him, and neither did Hami. But I wonder if they are actually able to feel him like I do, or if they're just giving those opinions based on what they can see, hear and feel from my memories. I dunno, I just wanted to get that out there. Now I need to sleep, but I might be back with more later on.
15/3/2020 0 Comments Making amendsSo here's the thing.. A lot of things has happened in the system lately. Fucked up shit has happend, and it's been tearing at things. It's Taru here and I thought I might as well post this here instead of on my separate blog. Yes, I have another blog, but I won't link that here. Well, I might, but not right now. I don't feel that it's of importance to say exactly what happened. That's between my headmates and me. But I can say that it caused some of us to rethink things. Particularly me and Stephen. We both have been thinking deep and hard if we still want to keep working on our relationship, and if we really want to continue with our engagement. It's been going on for some time now, honestly. Back and forth, on and off.. We're kind of a mess as a couple actually. And because we've been thinking about things so much, we decided to send the puppies away on a trip together with Ounos. Somewhere in the mountains, I believe, but I'm not sure. This is their trip anyway, so I shouldn't be there to bother them. I'm sure they're doing great. Anyway, they left on Thursday morning, it's now Saturday night. We've had three days with just the two of us, and it's actually been pretty great. Not because we've been alone - I really miss my kids and I just wanna see them again and kiss them over and over and tell them how much I love them. No.. It's been great because we've had the space and opportunity to share a lot of honesty with each other. With the puppies around, it's always been the fear of "what if they hear?". So I guess we haven't really been able to talk with them around. Really talk. So, what we've found out is that despite everything, and despite borderline hating each other from time to time-- I've never hated you, Honeybee -S Despite barely being able to tolerate each other from time to time.. We've come to the conclusion that we want to stay together. For now. I have no idea what the future holds, but as of right now, the engagement holds. My feet are still cold, and so is his, even if he doesn't want to admit it. But I guess there's always been a few ideas for how a perfect wedding would look like.. Secondly.. And I'm not sure if I actually should say this, but.. You know what, I'll keep it a secret for now. A select few knows, but I'll keep it between me and Stu for now. Our secret. Maybe I'll tell later on when it's more relevant. I still have that other post to write, but I'll have to leave that for some other time. Once the pups are home again and things start going back to normal, I'll sit down and spend a few hours writing. And since they're starting to develop opinions, I'll probably let them join in. It's all about them, after all! So that's it for an update for now, but we'll come back later on if we come up with anything else that we wanna share. I have an idea for a new page for this site, so I might do that. But for now, I'm saying baibaii! Peace out ✌️ |